The new Rockies would go on to win the World Series, and break pretty much every conceivable MLB record in some way or another. Except he forgot Backup 1B John Olerud who is the coolest baseball player ever except maybe Michael Jordan… just because the idea of Michael Jordan playing baseball is still hilarious.) (This lineup is actually courtesy of Grigs. Like uh… I can’t think of any good relievers off the top of my head. All the players would accept substantially less money than their normal salaries because they find out that I own the team and they also know that uh… they’re the f***ing Rockies!!!! So, this new team layout would be as follows:Īnd some other guys who would be awesome.Īnd more guys who’re awesome. Grigs would then hire a great team, who somehow from today would not have aged at all. He’d be paid about 2.5 million a year so that GM salaries would shoot way up and damage administrations in baseball all over the country. Our GM would be Paul Grigorenko, or from now on, just Grigs. My new staff would set quickly to work making the Rockies the best team in baseball. Now, owning the Rockies and giving them a payroll comparable to that of the Red Sox, people would begin to bring in Rockies revenue. I’d then find my cracksquad of favored personell from High School. Better yet, next time you feel like doing it, find me and get my permission.) All other times it’s just stupid and a little foolish to do so. This would earn me millions of dollars in revenue, which I’d then invest into stock in some relatively unknown stock that, as if on command, would multiply its value by about one hundred in a matter of days (Probably because rabid fans of mine heard that I bought it and felt like they needed to be able to do something that I was doing.) I would then take the now billions of dollars out of the market and put it in the bank.īut it wouldn’t remain in the bank for long! I would then take that money and approach the ownership of baseball’s second worst team… The Colorado Rockies!!!! (By the way, only when speaking about something this great can you use multiple exclamation points. People would think it was a really cool name even though it’s a paradox or an oxymoron (I don’t care enough to know the difference between them) and so we’d get record sales just because of our name. The name of the Progressive Metal band would be Symmetric Difference. He’d be able to play at the speed of light. He’d be at least five times better than John Myung/John Paul Jones, and at times would walk around with his standup bass and play along at the speed of light. Our bassist would be about six foot eleven and have a standup bass in a Prog Metal band. Our drummer, who happens to have a set that spans about fifteen feet in length, and can somehow inexplicably nail every piece within about fifteen seconds without a single mistake, would then drum about four times faster than the guy from DragonForce, and three times better than John Bonham, so it sounded like someone was firing a machinegun while we played. The entire audience would obviously remain in the stadium (Because we pack those to the brim even though we’re completely unknown) mesmerized throughout the whole show. Progressive Metal band would play one concert where our guitarist, who happens to be at least twenty-seven times better than Jimi Hendrix, solos for three hours, dueling harmonics with my shred metal, better-than Ray Manzarek/Jordan Rudess, skills on the keyboard while I belt out notes that neither Geddy Lee nor Chris Cornell could hit.
Current band would hit it big with some awesome song that a small African nation makes into their national anthem. Both bands would land major seriously awesome record deals because all the other members are also spontaneously blessed with awesome skillz. This would prompt me to assemble a progressive metal band while still playing in my other band. Then, I would go play keyboard while singing, somehow blessed with incredible skillz in both. Once I returned, somehow, something or someone would complete my chemistry homework for me since I’m incapable of doing it myself (I’m guessing it’s a 35% homework average about now). So then, we’ll start what I’d do with my life from tomorrow.
I’ll include a paragraph about it in the end of this. What I’m going to do with it wouldn’t be half as fun to write about. Or at least what I think I should do with it. They do that for me.) I was compelled to write this account of what I’m going to do with my life. With my seventeenth birthday coming in exactly one week, as of the fourth ( The 11th.
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